the post that time forgot...

I found this post from years ago that I was too chickenshit to post at the time. I considered deleting it, but that would be even more cowardly, so here it is. I failed in so many areas. It was gut wrenching to find this:

I hate to argue. I have always hated arguing. My house growing up was more often than not a place of arguing, shouting and resentment. It has always been my goal that when I grew up I would not be a quarrelsome person. I think in general I have succeeded, but at times I fail like everyone does. I am especially upset with myself when arguments happen in front of the kids. It doesn't happen often, but every time it does it just kills me. I know we both have different ideas about how the kids should be raised. I am not going to rehash what happened this morning. I want to sit down and come to an agreement about what we will do going forward.

I think it is important to teach the kids the value of saving, the need to work hard and the fact that actions have consequences, but also to dream and the value of working towards those dreams. We have provided a better life for them than my parents did for me. I hope you can say the same. With Ian almost being out of the house I am really beginning to look at whether we have prepared them for the real world. Like most parents, we have succeeded in some areas and could have probably done better in others. I am becoming very aware of where I have failed Ian and I don't want to repeat that with Syd.

I have heard 'you make all your mistakes with your first born', and I am really beginning to understand that. Ian is a great young man; better than I was in most ways. My main worries are about his work ethic and his weight, especially with his family history. If the worst thing I can say about my son is that he's lazy, I think we have done a fairly good job raising him. I was lazy at his age and I turned it around, so it is something he can do too.

With Syd, I want us to teach her to save. I want us to teach her to work hard. Hard work and saving are going to matter a lot more for her than for Ian. I want us to keep her active and healthy. Most of all I want us to keep our home a happy place. I want it to be a place that she can bring friends over comfortably because it is safer for her.

Heidi, I should never make you feel that you aren't a good woman, a good wife or a good mother. You have done so much despite being so ill, and I do not thank you enough. I will from here on out complain less. Complaints do nothing to fix things and only serve to hurt people's feelings. I will not yell about the dog so much, everyone is already aware of my feelings on that. I will continue trying to pitch in more around the house. A clean house is important to me, and if it's important I need to help out too. I know I fail in these regard sometimes.

Most of all I want to spend more time with you. You looking more like yourself. I have been very happy to see you getting back to more of your true self than you have been for the last 8 months or so. It's like a fog is lifting and it makes me feel hopeful for you.

Sometimes we never learn, or worse, refuse to learn. And then it's too late.

We never did sit down and come to an agreement.

Quoteable Rogue

Came across this and had to get it down -

quotable rogue:

Comparison is the thief of joy
- Theodore Roosevelt

Tough Truths Part 1

I never set out to be a divorced dad, and I don't think anyone ever does. Unfortunately I think we don't guard against the situations that lead to so many divorces because we are to caught up in the minutiae of life. I know I didn't fortify my relationship and in the end my wife, my kids and I paid the price.

I will say "I" through this piece. It is true that in a relationship that both parties are responsible for the health of the relationship, but I am responsible for my actions and cannot speak for my exwife's. I also believe in extreme ownership, and that I am responsible for where I am in life. Thus there are always actions that I could have taken to affect the outcomes that I want. This does not mean that I knew of these at the time. In fact it has taken a lot of soul searching to see some of the areas where I went wrong, and I may never see the entirety of it. This is my attempt to examine and educate, if for no one else than myself. I do hope that sometime, somewhere, that someone else may find some help from my words.

When I look back at my life with my exwife I keep coming back to same place where we started to go wrong. It's like in the time travel movies. If you could go back and change one thing, then the rest of your life would have worked out great. This of course is the great fallacy of the premise. No one knows what would have happened if that situation had turned out different, but I do think that had I reacted in a healthier manner, that it would have had a healthier effect on both of our lives.

Our son was born soon after our first anniversary. I was still in the military and we were living in a crappy two bedroom apartment. Neither of us was really taking responsibility for our living conditions. The house was often a mess. The bills went unpaid. We were overall young and foolish and overwhelmed by life. Add post partum depression on top of that situation, and you have a little look into our life at that time. We soldiered on for the better part of a year until I got out of the military.

It was around this time that the ultimatum came. One night my exwife started packing her bags and stated that she was moving back home and taking our son with her. Back home was over 1000 miles away and somewhere I had never considered living. It was also over 1000 miles from where my family was. I should have been prepared for this because of how our wedding had gone down, but that is a subject for a different post.

That was the first worst night of my life. I was totally unprepared for this situation. My reactions were knee jerk and exactly the wrong things to do in the situation. I started with anger. I railed against her accusations and accused her of betraying everything we had talked about and planned. While some of what I was arguing about may have been true, it was not a helpful way to bring about the results I wanted. I eventually resorted to the tactics that would serve to slowly spiral us into an unhealthy and unsustainable relationship for over 20 years, and in effect doom us. I bargained and pleaded. This is vitally important. That night, I gave up any control I had in our relationship. Now I am not some he-man; I think control in a relationship waxes and wanes and should be shared. I however set a precedent that night that would be replayed many times over the years. In that moment I gave in and our relationship started down a path that would lead to divorce.

I see now, almost 25 years later that the proper response should have probably come before we ever got to that place. I should have been taking care of our relationship every day, keeping disciplined with the house and the bills, etc. That too is a post for another day. In that moment though I capitulated. It got stuck in my brain that if I did not give in, that I would lose my wife and child. The fear of that loss would be my guiding principle for far too many years. Fear is terrible basis for a relationship. I loved my wife and son so much that the thought of losing them was unbearable. I could not see what pitfalls I was setting us up for down the road.

Upside Down Poem

disclaimer: not my work...



Today was the absolute worst day ever
And don’t try to convince me that
There’s something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.
And it’s not true that
It’s all in the mind and heart
Because
True happiness can be obtained
Only if one’s surroundings are good
It’s not true that good exists
I’m sure you can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
It’s all beyond my control
And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that
Today was a good day

Now read from the bottom to top

https://mobile.twitter.com/ronniejoice/status/623842588546699264/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwgntv.com%2F2015%2F07%2F25%2Fteens-surprising-worst-day-ever-poem-goes-viral%2F

Quoteable, non-rogue

I had to save this. It is from the War of Art by Steven Pressfield

"The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference."

You Are A:

Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 13
Constitution- 16
Intelligence- 16
Wisdom- 16
Charisma- 15
Alignment:
Neutral Good- A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Rangers- Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Secondary Class:
Sorcerers- Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.

---

Web page and journal code: Copy and paste the following:

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger/Sorcerer (3rd/3rd Level) Ability Scores: Strength-13 Dexterity-13 Constitution-16 Intelligence-16 Wisdom-16 Charisma-15 Alignment: Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable. Race: Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like. Primary Class: Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast. Secondary Class: Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast. Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

---

Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXX (6)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Chaos --- XXXXXX (6)
Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXX (8)
Evil ---- XXXXXXX (7)
Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXX (8)
Gnome ---- XXXXXX (6)
Halfling - XXXX (4)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXX (8)
Half-Orc - XXXXXX (6)
Class:
Barbarian - XXXX (4)
Bard ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Cleric ---- XXXX (4)
Druid ----- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Fighter --- XXXX (4)
Monk ------ XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Paladin --- XXXXXXXX (8)
Ranger ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Rogue ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Sorcerer -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Wizard ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)

 http://www.easydamus.com/character.html

The Criminally Inept and Viable Crime in Shadowbane

Just archiving this here -

The Criminally Inept and Viable Crime in Shadowbane - Zalaster (01-26-02)
Note: This Article originally appeared on Aerynth Atheneaum and is reprinted with permission from the author.

It is no surprise to anyone that knows me that discussions about rogue classes and specifically about thieves are of great interest to me. I have been known almost exclusively online as a thief character. I also will not try to snowball anyone into thinking I am unbiased about such topics. I am the guildmaster of what is most likely the oldest online thieves guild, I served as a guide and class advisor for rogue classes in a (ultimately doomed for other reasons and now defunct) MPORG during its beta and was a long standing Ring Warden for the Safehouse in EQ. I have a lot of experience and a lot of attitude and opinions about thieves and their skills. Some recent comments by Vosx on the official SB boards sent the underclass into an uproar. Worse though, is that every criminally inept player/character now seems to think they have license to spew ignorance throughout the community.

Don't get me wrong here. There are some folks that offer hope for the underclass. The Penshire Street Bakery being a prime example. Every class however has their bastard children and thief classes are not immune. Does it really matter if you can take an item out of someone's pack? To the thieves with no sense of professionalism I suppose it does. The arguing on the Shadowbane forums supports that. Take a minute however and look at things from a different angle. Shadowbane has been built with player accountability as a core concept. No one wants a game to be a grief-fest. In the end it takes little skill to 'clickpocket'. It takes even less ambition. Shadowbane is to be a game where epic tasks and battles take place. A glowing example of this through the eyes of a thief could be taken from the lore of the sword Shadowbane. The recounting of its theft from the dwarves is one of my favorite pieces of Shadowbane lore. An adventure like that is what I have been searching for in a game.

Unfortunately though it seems the current tidal wave of moronic outbursts about thievery may wash away that hope. The squeaky wheel may get the grease, but it is just as likely to be taken off and discarded as something that cannot be fixed. What I am saying is calm yourselves and make intelligent comments when appropriate. Be part of a solution and not part of the cacophonous whine. When I see people post things such as "Wouldn't it r0x to be able to pickpocket all that guys stuff without him knowing" it makes me want to make a minotaur warrior and find the little punk and stampede his toon into oblivion once the game goes commercial. Being a thief means weighing the risk to reward ratio in every situation. Thieves are not made to fight with. They may be the masters of the dirty tricks/dark lighting/close quarters/ambush type fight. This is great as WP has stated all along that each class will have a situation in which they should hold the favor in. Due to their general ineffectiveness in direct combat the thief needs to weigh his larcenous opportunities carefully.

There are three main thresholds in larceny failing, succeeding but being immediately discovered and success. Lets say that 50% of all thefts are foiled. Of the remaining 50% nearly all successful thefts leave evidence which may eventually lead to the capture of the thief. There is only at most a 2 in 10 chance of pulling off a theft that will be more beneficial than detrimental to the actual perpetrator. Is it any wonder that organized crime operates the way it does? The real money is in using the fear of future crimes, brutality or other loss to extort money from legitimate businesses... Keep this in mind you aspiring thieves guilds. Back to the point though, theft mechanisms in a game should have at least this rating of difficulty to discourage the amatures. That is the first mistake most games make. They make it far too easy to steal, and far too light a set of consequences if you are caught. Set the bar very high and you eliminate a lot of griefers right there. If it is very difficult and involved to steal, then it will happen infrequently. (Sounds like something I heard about sieges once.) Let the folks whining about pickpocketting chew on that for a while.

Pickpocketting has added very little value to any game. It is just another method by which to push a button and add to you inventory. It is not like true pickpocketting. Game mechanics can never match the intricacies and contingencies that a true pickpocket operates within. I deeply believe that pickpocketting is the single biggest reason for the plight of the thief class in MMORPG's today. It is far too easy to index levels and skills and perform a yes/no function (that is too easy and thus overused) to placate thieves or ban it outright then it is to build things that approach the reality of pickpocketting. The other thing that games do not take into account is the time/frequency factor of pickpocketting. Most games as soon as your button relights you can try again with the same victim. A professional pickpocket would never do this or overwork an area. Imagine this as if the game allowed you to attempt to pickpocket randomly up to 5 times per 24 hour period and not allowing you to attempt to pickpocket the same victim twice. (Better yet - don't tell the masses about autofailing after X attempts or multiple attempts on the same victim and let the foolhardy amateurs pay dearly for their stupidity.) Its too difficult to code and there are too many things for a developer/designer to think about to waste that many resources on an action that in general has very little overall beneficial effect in the game. So heck with it, keep pickpocketting out, I am fine with it.

I have read and been very impressed with the PSB's strongbox/safe idea. I have also made my own post on ways to lessen or eliminate grief from theft. I will not restate them here, but take the time to look at them if you wish. I admit that I personally believe that a thief without theft should not be named a thief. To me to have a thief class as opposed to a mugger or some other moniker, that class has to have a method by which to take goods, moneys or information against the owner's will without necessitating the use of force. Information theft is much more the arena for spies or infiltrators so I will not address that here. The theft of goods and moneys however have some traditional factors that are often overlooked.

The grandtheft of money is usually followed by the immediate self imposed banishment of the perpetrator or by the voluntary hiding of the jackpot until such a time as it is safe to access it. Those thieves that do not abide either of these are generally caught and pay a high price for their actions. The theft of goods requires the fencing of these items since you do not want them in your possession should the authorities or owners come calling. A fence generally gives no more than a small percentage of the items actual worth. The other limiting factor to theft is demographics. To take an example, in one of the old DMG's from D&D there were guidelines to how many thieves could operate in a area for a given amount of population. A corollary could be if the number of thieves in a world fragment, nation, town, etc. exceeded a certain ratio then all the guard/protector type NPC's (other than those directly owned by a thieves guild) could go auto KOS on thief class characters. Look at it like Rudy Giuliani's tenure as NY mayor only more lethal.

With any number of things such as demographic controls, required time investments to effect a theft, truly high difficulty thresholds, denied access to TOL's, denied access to funds, denied direct use of stolen items and NPC fences much can be made of checks and balances to theft. Anything less than Guild vs. Guild grand-thefts (The crime equivalent to sieges perhaps?) should not be pursued to my way of thinking. Another way to look at it is this: pickpocketting is the thiefly tradeskill. Since tradeskills are not going to be in Shadowbane why should pickpocketting? Who knows. maybe the fence NPC that the Thieve's Band is already said to have is slated to be a hireling that doesn't make a set type of item, but has the ability to 'produce' a variety of items to represent what normal petty crime would draw from the resources of the area and redistribute. Of course you could expect that there would be an offset in the maintenance cost of this kind of NPC. We could sit here and speculate all day like this though.

Many, many of us hope for a game where there is an actual 'thief' archetype, even though some individual's perception of what that entails may differ. Whether this is the game that finally gets thieves right is yet to be seen. Shadowbane is Wolfpack's baby though. I may make a suggestion from time to time, but I wouldn't tell them what they have to do. I suggest all you wanna-be l33t thieves don't either. Maybe then we thieves won't be seen as just griefers who don't kill. Then again, maybe I hope for too much from my fellow criminals and the community as a whole.

~

Talk it over with other 'canters' here.